Life has a way of throwing you for a loop. This week has been extremely crazy and has me confused and trying to understand what God is doing. I find that a lot of times we, as human beings, tend to think that if we are doing something and there are no obvious road blocks and nothing seems to stand in our way, that we are doing what God wants. We forget that He will usually let us stay where we are until we either turn to Him on our own, or He has to throw a road block into our paths to make us turn. That has been the kind of week I have had. I am left sitting here thinking, “What just happened? What is going on? OK, God, I know you’re in control and there is something specific that you want to happen through this. Please help me see it and in the meantime, help me wait on you.”
Sometimes I feel like the world just opened up and wanted to swallow me whole. Then I heard a song yesterday that I haven’t really heard the words to before…
“So I float on every word you said when the water of my ghosts they rise above my head and I will stand up on your back in the middle of the sea when collectors of my debts they come to sink their teeth and its all I can think about now is how good you are to me”
John Mark McMillan “Setting Suns”
I was so blown away by how much that sounded like I felt. But God is so good to me. I have a roof over my head, a beautiful son, a family that loves me, “a good friend and a glass of wine” (as Reba sings), and a great God who loves me more than anything. Oh how we forget that sometimes!
And forgiveness…I was contacted by an old friend of mine yesterday with whom I was very close many, many years ago and with whom I had a falling out of sorts. This friend asked for forgiveness and gave forgiveness to me. This was a great healing point for me. I had been hoping for that conversation for many years, but never quite thought I would receive it. So, as I said, I cannot express what God is doing in my life (can’t even begin to fathom) but it has to be good. I am coming to a place of healing from many different things and working through issues that I am dealing with now. I will never be done, mind you. God won’t be finished with me until the day I die, but at least we are working on it together.