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Monthly Archives: April 2010

Decisions

You know, I am sitting here thinking about my life and the path I have been on. It’s not been easy, it’s not been pretty…in fact, truth be told, it’s been really tough. I’ve had things happen to me that have shaped how I saw things, I’ve had people really hurt me, I’ve made some really bad decisions, and I’ve really hurt myself…not to mention my family, especially my son. So, when I see friends of mine make decisions that cause their life to follow along the same path that I did, I worry and hurt for them. I see the path they are heading down and am powerless to stop them. I can (and do) tell them where I have come from and tell them how I want better for them. I beg them to hear my words and my pain and to see the long time consequences that not only I suffer, but my son suffers and ask that they take a very hard look at all of that and make better decisions than I did. My life isn’t bad now, in fact, it’s pretty wonderful all things considered. I have a house that has my name on it, I have a car that is almost paid for and gets me to and from the places I need to go in good safety. I have a son whom I adore and is honestly the reason I am here today. I have a good job, money to buy food, clothes, toys, go on trips to Houston; I have a good life. I’m happy in my life, but I still have to deal with the past every day. I still feel the past…when I look at my son and know that he won’t have his dad in our home ever again and how that hurts him…when I go to bed at night and there is no one to talk to…I still have to deal with it. I want better for my friends. I want them to not face the consequences that are coming if they make the same choices I do. I want them to see the truth, the things we don’t normally talk about because we have to put on a happy face in this world. So, when I see a friend headed down a path I know (based on experience) is destined for failure, I talk…I share these things in detail. And though I know they will choose whatever they want with little thought to what I have said, I feel it needs to be said. I feel it is my responsibility as a Christian to share what I have gone through to help others.
Let me implore you to do the same. If you see a friend going through a hard time or making a decision that could hurt them…don’t stand by and watch. Please, please, please, say what needs to be said (in a loving, Godly way) so that maybe, just maybe they will listen. If they don’t listen, don’t give up on them. Be there when the crap hits the fan. Be ready to help them without condemnation…without “I told you so’s”. After all, isn’t that what Christ called us to?

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

BRIGADOON!!!

Tonight is Opening Night!!! I am excited! If you don’t already have tickets, you need to purchase them quickly as it seems we are selling out for several shows!

I have been asked many times while doing theater if I get nervous before I go on stage. It’s actually quite the opposite. I am always nervous during auditions and during the first rehearsal or two because I am getting to know new people (which I don’t do very well) and working out the “how to’s” of the show. But once we get going and especially right before the performance, I don’t get nervous. I love acting! It’s a passion of mine that I wish I was able to do more often. My dream when I was younger was to make it to Broadway but life got in the way. So, I get to do community theater which is a wonderful thing! I am able to have my life with my son and still do something I love every once in a while.

I hope to see you there!

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

How He Loves – John Mark McMillan

 How He Loves

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me
And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way….
And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died
And You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
They want to tell You’re cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he’s say it’s not true, cause…
And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
***I included the last, little known verse, because it has some words I find beautiful…”You met me between my breaking…” He meets us there, when we are breaking apart and barely holding on…He meets us there…How He love us!!! I am crying just thinking about it.

I find myself sitting here this morning physically and emotionally exhausted. We’ve been going non-stop lately with the play, Taekwondo, Tap, school, work, college…I get up at 5:30am (usually) and haven’t been getting home until 10 or 10:30pm, which means, I haven’t been getting to sleep until almost midnight. Rehearsal ran late last night, so I got home late, picked up a completely passed out Stephen from my parents house and put him in bed at home. Took the dog out, pet her for a minute (still no puppies), took a shower and all but crashed…only to get up and start all over today! I am physically exhausted…which affects the emotional side as well. I’m a worry-wart…that’s my nature. I don’t like, I try to change it, but by nature, I worry. I think God allowed that ugly quality in me so that I would lean on him more. That’s not an easy thing to do and I will freely admit, I fail constantly. At this moment, I am worried that I won’t get a hair extension piece that i can stand or that matches my hair color and will work in time for Thursday’s full dress rehearsal; I’m worried about Stephen who is at school settling in at this very moment to take his TAKS test, though I know he will do fantastic and pass with flying colors (he’s not worried), I’m worried for him. I am worried that he isn’t getting what he needs at home right now because our schedule has been so crazy  and I’ve been so busy. I know I have to do some things for myself so that I can stay healthy enough to take care of him and keep him healthy…however it’s not easy to be away from him as much as I am right now and I know it’s not easy on him either. I miss him. I am grateful that this is the last full week of stuff…from here on out, it’s just a couple days a week for two more weeks, then we are done. I am planning on taking him to Houston after work the very next Friday after the show is over and spending the whole weekend away. A million other things float through my head every moment and I worry about most of them…because I’m a worrier.
So, as I sat here this morning, knowing that I needed to write but unsure what to write about, I thought of this song. Sunday, we visited a church that a long time friend is in ministry at. This song was one we sang during worship and I just stood there and cried all the while singing the lyrics, my voice cracking because the song just touches me. I love this song and refer to it often when I feel alone and afraid and exhausted from worrying…How He loves us! How He loves ME!

I know this video isn’t a clear picture and it cuts off at the end, but please listen to his heart…


The Call Nashville John Mark McMillan How He Loves

Pat Wise Craik | MySpace Video

 
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Posted by on April 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Puppies, Rehearsals and Pigs?

Well, it’s been one of those weekends…waiting on puppies to be born! Just when I think we might be going into the labor stage, she relaxes and hangs on that much longer. I am going crazy! She is just chillin out, enjoying now being an inside dog and getting to sleep on a blanket in my room. Ok, let me just say, I am not a patient person. I hate waiting in line to checkout, I hate waiting in the fast food line, I hate being behind other cars on the road. I am definitely not patient…so, this waiting for puppies thing is driving me insane! And, of course, I’m not sleeping well. I have tossed and turned the last three nights just waiting for her to deliver only to have her be perfectly fine and to have me be extremely tired and in dire need of coffee the next day. I know we are almost there as she is breathing heavier, sleeping more and eating less. So, I’m hanging in here.

Rehearsals are shaping up and we are in the home stretch. Brigadoon, at Beaumont Community Players, opens this Friday at 7:30pm at our theater on Laurel in Beaumont, TX. Tonight we start dry tech rehearsals. All that means is that the tech crew will begin to figure out the light settings, etc. We also start rehearsing with costumes this week, which is always intersting as we are still getting them together until usually teh last night, and even then, we are duct-taping and pinning at each show becuase we stepped on a petticoat or something. It’s always intersting adn fun backstage during shows! I have gotten some great pictures and will share some of them with you soon (if you aren’t a friend of mine on Facebook and haven’t already seen them).

Finally…Pigs?? Saturday was the last rehearsal that Stephen will be at (other than 1 brush up rehearsal). Becuase it was a full rehearsal (we ran the full show), I had him out in the lobby playing most of the morning. It turned out that he did a really sweet thing and began helping some of the ladies who were cleaning up the costume room. He was extremely helpful and as a result…they kind of let him play for a few minutes…

My son, the pig! He’s now our unofficial mascot! He giggled so much over this costume and everyone thought it was absolutely hilarious! The costume director said that he picked it out himself and they told him he could wear it! I love my boy!!

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Clutter, Clutter Everywhere and Not an Open Space to Spare!

Ok, so it’s time to get organized! I can’t stand it any longer!!!

I am an unusual sort…what I mean by that that I have a weird case of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). For me, that means that at work, I am extremely organized, while at home…well, let’s just say that it looks like a tornado blew through there and leave it at that. I will say that I have always been on the messy side since I was a kid when it comes to  my home. I do not now, nor will I ever, claim to be the best housekeeper in the world and I make sure that whomever I am dating understands that up front! But at this point, even I am getting sick of the clutter. Now, don’t get me wrong, my house isn’t crawling in filth, just clutter. As my brother’s favorite Christian Comedian Bone would say (to the tune of the Sanford and Sons) “I’ve got clutter, I’ve got clutter, clutter, clutter, c-c-clutter…” So, this weekend (after my 2 –  3 hour morning rehearsal) we will be cleaning, we will be cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, c-c-cleaning…! HAHA

On that note…anyone want to help??????

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

What a Day!

Do you ever have one of those days that you have to laugh at yourself or just pack it up, go home and go back to bed? Yesterday was one of those days!

I had a fabulous hair day on Sunday. Usually, when those hair days come around, I can count on a decent hair day the next day. So, I woke up yesterday, just knowing that I would either be able to wear my hair down or at least partially down. I go into the bathroom to fix my hair, only to realize that I must have sweat some good buckets last night because my hair was not going anywhere but up. So, I pull it up and lean over the sink, wash my bangs (yes, I wash just my bangs when the need arises), fix them and head to my room.

On to the clothes…Sunday night, I chose one of my favorite dresses to wear to work. Now, if you know me well, you know that I do not usually pick my clothes the night before as I am prone to change my mind 5 times before I actually get dressed. So, the fact that I still wanted to wear this dress Monday morning was a good thing. I put on my hose, my dress, and my 2 inch black patent leather shoes (from Target of course), finish our morning routine and head out the door.

About an hour into work I look down and realize that my hose have a runner. Thankfully the runner isn’t too noticeable, so I keep the hose on. I go about my morning and then head off to lunch. At lunch, I am talking to a friend who says she loves my shoes. I look down and realize that my shoes are busted…not your typical scuffs on the heels; not even the heel breaking off…oh no, that’s too normal for my life. My shoes have splits in the sides.
Ok, so at this point, I have a runner in my hose and my shoes are split on the sides.

After lunch I make a restroom stop only to realize that maybe I should skip about 20 meals or so…my hose (which, if you remember, already have a run in them) are now rolling under my belly fat! So far, I can’t catch a break!

The afternoon was, thankfully, rather uneventful. I got off work, returned something at Target, bought my stage makeup, drove home, fed Stephen, took a quick shower. While I was running around getting things done, my dad offered to keep Stephen while I went to rehearsal (normally I bring him with me), for which I was utterly grateful! It looked like my day was picking up! Had a good rehearsal and a lot of laughs…Go Plaid Blur! Came home, picked up Stephen and went home to bed.
Then, I woke up…Dudududum…Woke up a little later than I would have liked but not late. Got everything running smoothly and on time then went to look for Stephen’s folder (which, naturally, contains his homework and a page I have to sign). Couldn’t find it!!! I am 90% sure I brought it in the house last night after I deposited an already sleeping Stephen in bed. So, we take an extra 15 minutes to look for it. I scoured the place, as best I can in 15 min., only I still can’t find it! We had no choice but to leave or I would have been late for work. So, I wrote a note to the teacher explaining why he didn’t have it and that it was totally all my fault and not Stephens as he was asleep when I picked up the folder last night. I can only pray that she will not keep him in from recess (as is the usual punishment for forgetting homework) because it was my fault and not his.

To quote a lyric in Brigadoon…”What a day this has been…” Though I guess I would really have to say, what a couple of days this has been. So, now I sit here, very tired, trying to get into the swing of things. What a way to start the week….Time to CHOOSE to be in a good mood!

 
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Posted by on April 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Puppy

So, I finally figured out why the dog was dropped off…she PREGNANT!!! Since she has stayed at our house for the last two weeks, we decided we would keep her. So, Friday we took her to the vet. Immediately he spent a little longer than I would have liked on feeling her stomach. In my head, I was thinking, “Oh crap! He’s gonna tell me she’s pregnant, I just know it!” Sure enough, he brought in the ultrasound machine and said, “Yep, there’s a heartbeat. And I’m guessing she’s about two weeks from delivering.” WHAT?!?!?! My head was spinning! On the one I was thinking, who would drop off a pregnant dog in a heavily wooded area, not knowing if she would be taken care of or not. How cruel is that? On the other hand, I was thinking, wow, seriously? I have a pregnant dog now? Oh my goodness! I’m finally starting to settle into it. I will keep her, of course, and will help her get those puppies weaned. Then, when the babies start eating on their own, we will be getting rid of puppies. We might keep one and I think my sister and her family might take one, but then the rest will be up for grabs. We don’t know how many she will have yet, but we will let you know. Oh, we have been told that she is a Pit Mix, but she is extremely docile.

So, here we are, waiting on puppies to be born, right at the same time that we are opening Brigadoon! I just hope she doesn’t go into labor when I am not here, but, if she does, she will be fine. Dogs have been having babies without humans for many, many years.

Here’s to Foxy Roxy!!

 
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Posted by on April 19, 2010 in Uncategorized