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Monthly Archives: May 2010

Held

For some reason at this very moment, the song “Held” by Natalie Grant popped into my head. I can’t stop singing it.  The lyrics are:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We’re asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair

[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We’d be held
[Bridge]
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We’d be held
We’d be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We’d be held

This is what it means to be held…..

I know the song starts off talking about losing a child…but the song is really about all those things we endure…all those hard times that we go through. It’s not easy to deal with, we don’t understand it,  as Natalie Grant states in the second verse, “This hand is bitterness We want to taste it and Let the hatred numb our sorrows The wise hand opens slowly To lilies of the valley and tomorrow”. This is so true of our nature. We so want to hold on to that bitterness, we want to taste it, to feel it, to live and wallow in it. But if we begin to open that “wise hand” we will see the promise of tomorrow.
You see, God didn’t promise us that everything would be perfect when we became Christians. God didn’t promise us we wouldn’t have sorrows or pain. He simply said, When you are in pain and in sorrow, when you are troubled, I will hold you.

I don’t know why this song is in my head this morning. I don’t know if any of you or anyone you know needed to read this, but I do know that I felt urged to post it. I will leave you with a promise from God…

Revelation 21:4 – And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

 
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Posted by on May 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Overwhelmed

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines overwhelmed as:

to cover over completely : submerge b : to overcome by superior force or numbers c : to overpower in thought or feeling

 It’s the moment where someone, something, many things just wash over you and leave you feeling powerless, helpless and exhausted.

I cannot begin to explain how often I feel overwhelmed. I am feeling overwhelmed right now. My house is a mess, my dog had 13 puppies who require a lot of clean up, who require being fed earlier than usual because of the sheer number of dogs and with whom Roxy is, unfortunately, cooped up all day and therefore anxious to get out when I get home, Stephen is dealing with quite a few issues with which I need to speak to his doctor about, I am dealing with constant sinus pressure and headaches…and those are just the physical things. That doesn’t include all the worry that I deal with on a daily basis.

I am so overwhelmed in this very moment, that all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep or cry or both. I can’t think of my next move. I can’t grasp enough to make a plan for just tonight. I have so many things that have to be done and they all should have been done a month ago (at least that is how it feels).

Being overwhelmed is never fun. It’s never easy. It’s always draining and exhausting both physically and emotionally. I am sure you have been overwhelmed more times than you care to count as well, maybe even overwhelmed by some of the issues I have listed above.

So…what do we do about it? I am sitting her asking myself this question…what do I do about feeling this overwhelmed? How do I get on with my evening, do the things I have to do and not just lose it? I will tell you that I strongly want to go home and go to bed…throw in the towel and say “Forget this!”…but I’m needed and I will move on. I will do what I have to do because I have to do it. But how do we do it with grace? How do we do it without losing our cool at our kids, the dog, the family?

An article I just read said,

A child once drew a picture of a tiny boat on a raging sea and wrote underneath:

“Dear Lord, be good to me. The sea is so wide and my boat is so small.”

Boy doesn’t that feel right. But the article goes on to tell how Nehemiah felt overwhelmed. Nehemiah had a huge task ahead…he had to rebuild a city. Nehemiah wasn’t even living anywhere near the area that he was to rebuild, but God told him to rebuild the city. Nehemiah could have told God no and crawled in his bed and pulled the covers over his head and given up. He could have let the feeling of being overwhelmed overpower him. Nehemiah knew something that I have to remind myself (and fail to more often than not) every single day…

I CANNOT DO IT ON MY OWN!

For me, that is so hard to acknowledge! I am a person who does not like to be out of control. I like to be able to take care of everything. I like to drive in the left lane on the road because I don’t like being behind another car (they might slow me down), I do project on my own most of the time because I don’t like not having full say of what my grade is when I am done. To acknowledge that I cannot do it on my own is to let go of control. That is ever so hard for me!

ASKING FOR HELP

Once Nehemiah recognized that he couldn’t do it on his own, he had to do two things…first was ask for God’s help. He had to ask for help with his feelings of being overwhelmed; had to ask God to calm his spirit and bring him peace that it would be all right.

Ok, big confession….I have a hard time trusting God. We as humans often feel we can do a better job than anyone else…including God. So, we don’t trust Him to handle things for us. How silly are we? God is the ONLY one who is able to take care of everything and yet we think we can just because we rocked along fine for a week or so. But now we’re crashing and we’re crashing hard and all because we aren’t trusting God to deal with our problems, with our lives. You’re not alone…He’s right there with you even if you don’t feel him.

Next, Nehemiah had to ask for help from others. So here, yet again, I fail. We as humans don’t trust that the other person will understand what we are going through, that they will do what needs to be done the way we want it done, etc. So we don’t ask for help. However, just like when we ask God for help, a weight is lifted off our shoulders and we are able to focus better…to start to come out of that cloud of overwhelmingness. (Yes, I just made up a new word! :p) Stay close to your Godly friends and family…you’re not alone.

THE TASK IS WORTH DOING

Finally, Nehemiah knew that the task was worth doing. He knew that rebuilding that city would not only be what God wanted, but would bring about healing for a devastated people. I am not rebuilding a city, but I am trying to manage a household and still work and go to school. I would say that my task is worth doing. My son is so very precious to me…my task is worth doing. I love those puppies who are sitting in my bathroom…my task is worth doing. I love Roxy, I would dare to say she is the best dog I have ever had…my task is worth doing.

Now, an observation from me…

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!

It’s all temporary! None of this will last. The puppies will be going to homes soon and then Roxy will be able to get back to a normal routine and won’t feel so trapped. Stephen will be getting the help he needs soon and growing up way too fast. And my house will get cleaned, even if it takes me a year to finish it. It’s all temporary!

 
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Posted by on May 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Faith

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
 According to the Miriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of faith is as follows: Belief and trust in and loyalty to God; firm belief in something for which there is no proof; complete trust.
People often believe in many things. For instance, I believe that when I sit in my chair, it will hold me up and will not fall. I believe that when I get in my car, it will start. I believe that when I open my eyes in the morning, I will be able to see. We have faith in all kinds of things, both tangible and intangible. However, by definition of the Miriam-Webster dictionary and Martin Luther King, Jr., faith is when you can’t prove something but you believe it anyway.
My son asked me the other day why we believe in God. I tried to describe faith on my 8 year old son’s level. I’m not sure that I did a good enough job, so I think this quote and these Scriptures come at the perfect time. I will have to share them with Stephen. 
Hebrews 11:1 states, “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”
All throughout Hebrews chapter 11 the Bible states, By Faith… By faith Able, by faith Enoch, by faith Noah, by faith Abraham and so on and so on. All of these great men of history, not just the Bible, are listed in this chapter having done something absolutely amazing…BY FAITH!!!  
Luke 17:5-6 states, “The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Show us how to increase our faith’. The Lord answered, ‘If you had faith as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea’ and it would obey you!”  
Have you ever seen a mustard seed? It is so tiny!  And God states that if we had faith, true faith, even that small, we could tell the mulberry tree to throw itself in the ocean and it would go right then and there! 
So, how do we get this faith? 
 Romans 10:17 says, “So faith comes from hearing and hearing by the word of God.” 
Simply put, this means that we cannot have faith unless we hear the words of God and we cannot hear the words of God if we are reading the words of God and praying and listening.  It’s that simple. Pray, read, seek God’s face! He’s right there waiting to give you and increase your faith so that you can live a full and abundant life in Him! 
 
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Posted by on May 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Eric Hoffer

Lies…we all tell them from time to time. We learn to lie when we are young. We lie about sneaking the candy from the jar, we tell our mom’s that our imaginary friend knocked over the vase and insist to the end that it wasn’t us, we lie about putting a dent in the car (“I don’t know where that came from, someone must have hit my car in the parking lot), we lie all the time. But the person we tell lies to the most and the person we tell the biggest and worse lies to is…ourselves. We are so quick to believe those lies too. It seems that we would rather believe the lies we tell ourselves than the truth that is out there. 
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves and are more apt to believe than all the others is this…

  I’m not good enough!

Wow, that’s a big one for most of us, if not all of us. Now, to be fair, I know a few people in this world who think they are more than good enough, in fact, they believe they are better than everyone else. But you know, I would dare to say that 9 times out of 10, those people just act that way, but are really as insecure on the inside as we are. So, back to my point…
I’m not good enough is the biggest lie we tell ourselves! We feel less than all the time. I’m not a good student because I don’t have straight A’s; I’m not a good friend because I forget to call that person all the time; I’m not a good daughter/son because my parents seem to favor my brother/sister over me; I’m not good at sports (or maybe for you it’s the artsy side), so I am not good enough; I’m not a good mom because I don’t always get on the floor and play with my child, instead I’m doing laundry or dishes; I’m not a good husband/wife (for any number of reasons); I’m so stupid; I should have done better; I’m not pretty enough; I’m not skinny enough; He/She’s better than me/more popular, etc.; I’ll always be this way, its just who I am. We tell ourselves these lies once and then we begin to tell them to ourselves over and over again until we believe them so much that when we are faced with the truth, we cannot accept it. I have believed quite a few of these lies and so much more over the last 31 years of my life. I still struggle with them every single second of every single day. Those lies play over and over in my head in almost everything I do and I don’t always win the battle against them, in fact, 8 out of 10 times I would say I lose. It’s painful and discouraging and downright depressing when that happens. And the old song “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is so not true! The saying should go (especially when we are the ones to say these things to ourselves) “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my heart.”
I want to submit to you some thoughts and I hope that you really, truly ponder this as I am really, truly pondering this today.
Psalm 139 is my “life chapter”. The very first verse starts off with:

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.”

He knows us through and through. He sees everything!! Nothing escapes his sight. Let me quote some more because it is just too good…

(7-16) “I can never escape from Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence! If I to heaven, You are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If i ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light to become night – but even in the darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it! You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life is recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

OK, so to start off here we see that God knows everything about us! He made us! He knows where we go, he know what we think, he knows when we are trying to hide from Him and the rest of the world. He made us! He saw us even before we were created in our mother’s wombs! He recorded every day of our life even before we were born!! But to top it all off…check this verse out:

(17-18) “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!”

 See there what he says about God’s thoughts toward us? Have you ever tried to count the grains of sand when you go to the beach? Have you ever tried to count the stars in the sky? There are just too many to count. God’s thoughts towards you and I are even more than that! It’s a number we cannot fathom! That is how many times in one day he thinks about us…more than we can fathom!

Jeremiah 29:11 says it well…”For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

He has only good plans for us! He cares about us! So, shouldn’t we work hard (with his help and guidance) to think good things about ourselves so that we may be able to experience the blessings of those plans??

Remember...I am talking to myself here as well! Not just you!!!

I guess for the moment, I will leave us all with this…

Who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing.” -Jennifer Rothschild

 Just because you struggle with the lies doesn’t mean that you are the lies! 

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Brigadoon

Brigadoon has vanished into the mist for another 100 years. It has been such a blessing to be able to work with this fantastic cast and our wonderful directors, Paula Bothe, Jill Hayes, Heidi Kloes, Gladys Thomas and Bobby Chapman.

I cannot tell you how glad I am to have been back in the theater this year! I am hoping to be able to do at least one show a year now, but all of that depends on Stephen and his schedule and his needs. So, look for more posts in the future on auditions, casting, etc. Also, I am hoping to get Stephen in a show soon as he is over-excited to do something!

Enjoy a few pictures of the show!

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Puppies!

Ok, for those of you who do not follow my Facebook posts…my dog, Roxy, had her puppies on Saturday!

Now, can you guess how many puppies she had? Not 5, not 8, not even 10….13 puppies!!! That’s right, you heard me correctly…13 puppies! Can you believe it? That would explain why the poor thing was dragging the ground and so very miserable for 3 weeks straight, she was carrying 13 babies.

  Aren’t they precious? There are two puppies that are not in the frame of this picture, but you get the idea. They look like little rats at this point. My mom says when they lay side by side, as they sometimes do, that they look like little sausages.

Poor Roxy is worn out…can you tell?

SO…..if you want a puppy…they will be ready in
6 weeks on June 19th!!!  

Tell everyone you know because there is no way I have room for 14 dogs total in my single-wide mobile home…

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Web Design

Ok, so I am loving this web class! We are learning HTML, which is a whole lot easier than I thought it would be. The key, and my only problem, is making sure that everything is typed in the correct order and there are no “misspellings”. For example, I had a fabulous page put together…made a screen shot, showed it to my mom and was told that she loved it…then I put it through the validation site…13 errors!!! Ouch, I am basically going to have to start over. The reason behind starting over is because I do not yet understand what they are saying when they show me the erorrs…I don’t understand how to fix it when it looks like I did it right. So, I am running through the tutorials again and then I will try to get the page running again. Hopefully I will get it right this time as the first page is due Monday and will be the basis for all other pages that I will incorporate into this mock site.
I am very much looking forward to getting better and better so that I can do websites for other people. The goal is to make this website into a site for a friend of mine who has a photography business. If he likes the site, then I will put it in my “portfolio” and try to gather some new business. I like the idea of putting together photographer’s sites, though I am not opposed to any site so long as I can make a living at it!

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2010 in Uncategorized