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Monthly Archives: September 2010

Need Your Help!!

There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.
– Elizabeth Lawrence

Book photograph with flipping pages.

Image via Wikipedia

I love books! They can transport a reader to far away places, make the reader imagine they are a pirate, a princess, an ordinary person thrown into an extraordinary circumstance…whatever the location, person, adventure, romance, a book can take you there in your mind. I have loved to read since I was a little girl, but even more so since I was a teenager, when I really began to see how big my imagination could be when I read a book.

When I was a teenager, I began to love writing as well. I wrote poems, prose, and I even started quite a few stories. This blog has brought me back to that place where reading and writing collide and I am beginning to use my imagination again.

Lately, I have begun getting that itch to write a story, but I don’t know where to start. I know some of the ideas that I want to write, but I don’t know who my characters will be, what the basic story line will be, etc. It’s frustrating. There is something in me, and in every author I would dare say, that is itching to write, not just on this blog, but a full-fledged story.

The concepts I want to include in one or more stories are:

  1. purity
  2. self-esteem
  3. survival
  4. marriage
  5. divorce
  6. kids
  7. family

These ideas are part of my life; past, present, and hopefully future. They are issues that are close to my heart.

SO…….I am asking for your help. I need ideas to take from. I need to get my creative juices running and I’m kind of stuck. It’s time to step up and really get the comments going. Who’s up for helping me out? If I ever did get published and your idea was used, I will credit you in my book!

Let’s see what you’ve got!

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Picture of the Day: Must…have…coffee…

 
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Posted by on September 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Photo of the Day: My Busy Life

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

SQL

ARGH!! SQL database programming is kicking my butt worse than kickboxing did! I am not understanding much of this at all! Thankfully, I have a friend who is willing to look it over for me, so I sent her the stuff I have done already to see how far off the mark I am. Meanwhile I need to print the book so I can really dig, but it’s like 700 pages and I don’t have the ink for that. Did I mention how much I hate databases? LOL

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Jesus to the World

We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach.
~Bertrand Russell

I ran across this quote yesterday and found it extremely interesting and full of truth. My grandfather used to have a saying that he quoted to my dad often…”Do as I say, not as I do.” How often have we heard this? We are very quick to tell others what they need to do, what the Bible says, what God would want, but we often do not follow our own advice.

This is one of the biggest reasons that people are so disenchanted with the church. They watch us acting the total opposite of what we say…all the time…and they think, “why do I want to go to church? Why would I want to be like these people? They are no different from me.” I have heard this said so many times over the years, even by family members who are not in church, that it’s no wonder there is so much crazy in this world. I mean, hey, “why bother with church and God when those “Christians” are acting the same way I am!”

It’s a sad commentary on our faith and more so on the church today, isn’t it?

And we teach this to our children and later lament that they are not following God either. I for one want my child and the people around me to see God in a different light. I want to show them who He is by the way that I live. I want them to see that He is wonderful and gracious and merciful and loving. They need to see that He is just and righteous and mighty and bigger than anything we can wrap our heads around. They need to see that when I fail, I am repentant and God forgives. They need to see the love of God through my actions, not just my words. They need to see that I practice what I preach. I need to be Jesus with skin.

It would be wonderful if we could be Jesus to the world and be perceived the way this song says…

Are you Jesus to the world around you???

 
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Posted by on September 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Brokenness

I have been mulling over this word Brokenness for two weeks trying to prepare for the blog carnival over at Bridget Chumbley’s site. It’s really been difficult to decide what to write and I had honestly given up thinking I was to write a post this week when I ran across another blog today that gave me my answer. So, here are my thoughts on Brokenness.

Brokenness, as described in Miriam Webster’s Dictionary, is “violently separated into parts: shattered; damaged or altered by breaking; made weak or infirm; cut off; not complete or full; disunited by divorce, separation, or desertion”.

I find it interesting that brokenness is not just something broken into pieces, but in the very first definition, it states that it is violently separated: shattered. When we are broken, it is a violent separation/a shattering. Brokenness is not easy and it’s not painless.

When I was 18, I was engaged to be married to a man who I knew was my soul mate, whom I had dated most of my teenage years, until one day that phone call came where I was told that it was over. My heart shattered immediately, so much so that I could not even finish the conversation and had to hand the phone off to my dad. I felt as if everything inside of my had just shattered into a million pieces with no way to put it all back together again. After a very, way too short, time of crying, I pushed all of that aside, down into a corner of my heart and mind, and refused to deal with it. Several years later, after a few boyfriends who were either crazy or didn’t amount to anything else than a short romance, I found myself engaged to number one again. There is a long story here, but suffice it to say, I thought it would work this time, only to find out, yet again, that it was over. Once again, I was shattered. I was in college at the time and my world fell apart so hard that I had to withdraw and move home. But again, I shoved it all deep down, into that place where all my other hurts, fears, and things I needed to deal with dwelled.

In 2001 I married my sons father. We immediately moved to California where he was stationed in the Marine Corps and had, what I thought, was a great first year. We had issues and problems to work out, but who didn’t? I thought we were happy…love is blind. In December of that year, he was scheduled to leave for a six month deployment to Japan. We went home to Texas or a couple of weeks to get me settled into an apartment and spend an early Christmas with family before he left. Christmas Eve, the day he was leaving to head to California before deployment, I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited that my dreams of having a complete family were finally coming true. Little did I realize that it would all come crashing to a screeching halt. When my son was seven months old, we were headed for a divorce. and yet again, I was violently shattered.

Several years and several dead-end and dead beat boyfriends later, I finally hit a place of being OK being alone. But the kicker here is that I never really dealt with anything from the past. I never allowed myself to grieve. I didn’t have time to cry, didn’t have time to not be OK; at least that is what I told myself.. There was no way I could let myself go there. But God had other plans. He brought me to a place that I saw that I had to grieve the loss of that dream…the dream of having a family and keeping it together. I had to get to the place where I was willing to recognize that I was broken and to let God pick me up and put me back together again.

Have you ever dropped a glass or a vase and instead of just breaking into pieces that you might be able to fix, it shattered? It became dust on the floor with little pieces everywhere. In fact, when you went to clean it up, you found out that there were pieces hiding under the cabinet, two feet away from the place you dropped the vase? And then a week later, you found a piece in the bottom of your foot when you walked through the kitchen? With all those little, tiny pieces, there is no way humanly possible that you could put that vase back together again.The same goes for our hearts…for my heart. I couldn’t put it back together again. I was broken, living in brokenness, and I couldn’t fix it. I could cry, I could be hurt, I could want to make it better, but I couldn’t fix it.

Only God can put the shattered heart back together again.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wound.
~Psalm 147:3

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.
~Psalm 34:18

God desires to bind up our wounds and rescue us. He wants to be our Daddy-God and make it all better. When we were kids and we would scrape our knee, we would run to our daddy (or mother) and cry our eyes out because we were hurting. After some cleaning, a band-aid and many, many hugs and kisses, we were better, right? God wants us to do the same to Him. When we are hurting, shattered into a million pieces and laying on the ground bleeding, God wants us to just call His name. He’ll immediately be there bandaging our hearts and healing us. He’ll hold us while we cry and He’ll show us a way back to whole.

You know, even though I grew up in the church and knew the answers to this process well, it has taken me many years to get to this place of allowing my brokenness to be healed by God. I’m not completely there, but I am in the process and I’m learning to lean on Him for the rest.

This post has been part of a blog carnival at Bridget Chumbley’s site. For more stories on Brokenness and other great blogs, please visit http://www.bridgetchumbley.com/2010/09/brokenness-blog-carnival/.

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Kickboxing Kicked My Booty!

boxing gloves

Image by Julia Manzerova via Flickr

I have known for a while now that I have needed to lose weight…for both health reasons and so that I can have more energy and feel better.  So, I joined the gym and took one Kickboxing class that was a little easier than they normally would be simply because the usual teacher was not there. So one of the students stepped up and led the class. Two days later I was going to take the class again, but with people coming to my house that weekend and a paper due, I had to go home and work. While cleaning, I rounded a corner too fast and broke my little toe.  Well, that put me out of commission for 6 weeks.

So, last night was my first night to go back to the gym in 6 weeks. I was going to take a spin class, but I misread the calendar and so I opted for the Kickboxing class. Well, let me just say, it’s been  a looooooong time since I’ve worked out!!

Let the hilarity ensue…

To start off, I had a brand new pair of sweat pants (literally just purchased at Target yesterday because I had forgotten my workout pants). I tied the drawstring up to what I thought was tight enough to keep them high enough to not show off the belly fat. Well, of course, during class, while I have my hands stuck in big, bulky, boxing gloves, my pants slip a little lower than I would like. Mind you, they aren’t falling off or anything, but I am very self-conscious of my body. I figure I should be the only one who has to see all that fat. So, I am trying to keep my pants up and my shirt down all the while wearing boxing gloves and kicking and punching!

To top all of this off…the instructor starts the class off with punches and jumping jacks. 3 punches, 3 jacks, 6 punches, 6 jacks, 9 punches, 9 jacks, 15 punches, 15 jacks and finally 30 punches, 30 jacks. This is part of the cardio of Kickboxing. Well, like I said, it’s been years since I have worked out, so I am dying!! I am in the back of the room trying to follow along but quickly losing my breath and having to stop and breathe every few minutes. Everyone else in the class is doing fairly well because they have been doing this class for a while and they are all smaller than me. At one point, I stop for several minutes and the instructor comes over to me while everyone else is continues to work out and asks if I am ok. Well, I am trying really hard not to complain, to keep up and not to look like I’m struggling, so I tell her I’m fine, just need to catch my breath. She proceeds to tell me to take a deep breath and hold it. HOLD IT?, I think, How am I supposed to hold it when my lungs are burning?? But, I proceed to do what she says and after a minute, I am good to go and I get back in the swing of things. We keep doing more punching, kicking and running around, all the while I am struggling to breathe, trying to follow her instructions and working to keep my pants up while wearing boxing gloves! It had to a have been a hilarious site to see!

Finally the end of the class time comes and we start working on our abs before we cool off. HAHAHAHA, what abs??? By this point, I am already feeling like an old lady, but now I have to keep my legs off the floor and put the 6lb. medicine ball between my feet and back above my head? OMG!!!! I am dying here!

So, with all the boot camp participants waiting in the hall (there is a glass door looking into the classroom) (and don’t forget I am in the back of the classroom) I begin trying really hard to do these ab exercises. Yeah….no. I am able to do about half the reps in each exercise as the rest of the class and the whole time I am straining and utterly embarrassed that all these people are in the hall watching this!

Whew! Class if FINALLY over!! I walk confidently (all the while my body is screaming!) into the locker room to get my stuff and go get Stephen out of the daycare room. As soon as I get in the car, I am laughing at myself! I am SOOOO out of shape! My legs are now killing me, my arms hurt…I’m just sore all over. And of course, now I need to eat dinner before it’s too late in the evening and they say you should eat within the hour of working out so you metabolize it better. So, I grab a chicken sandwich at DQ and head home.

Stopping off at my mother’s house, I am telling her all of this and as I sit down, I realize that my brand new pants have a hole in them! Thankfully it wasn’t big, but I did not have on black underwear, so I am only praying that I did not embarrass myself any further during class!!

As I said….

Kickboxing kicked my booty!!!

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2010 in Uncategorized