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Dating…

03 Feb
The Dating Game

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Today we are talking about Dating over at the Faith Barista’s site. Dating is such a loaded word depending on who you talk to. For me, dating is loaded…

I didn’t “date around” when I was in school. I have always been a more serious-minded person and was taught that the purpose of dating was to find the person you would spend the rest of your life with. If that was the case, then why did I want to date around? This wasn’t a game to me, it was real life. So, as a result, I had only 2 serious relationships in high school. One I almost married…twice. And one that just didn’t work out for various reasons. After high school, I dated a little, but didn’t really date my ex-husband before we got married. (We had known each other since high school and just jumped in.) My second husband (yes, I’ve been married twice) and I dated, but I didn’t see the problems with him until after we got married.

So, as a single mom, I was faced with dating again. let me just tell you that if you are recently divorced, or about to be divorced…or widowed…don’t date for a while. Seriously, it’s a mistake. You need time to heal, time to mourn, and time to figure out who you are now and what you want and need now. I didn’t take that time right away and because of that, I date a bunch of losers and some that weren’t quite losers, but weren’t right for me at all.

Now, I have been single for two years (before that it had been at least 3 years) and I finally know what I want in a mate, in my life, and in my son’s. But now, I’m not dating. It’s not that I don’t want to date…believe me, I am so ready to “settle down” and have a companion…it’s that I don’t know any single men that fit the description of a good date. I don’t go clubbing, I don’t go to bars, we don’t have a singles group in our church (because we don’t really have singles in our church – men anyway), and other than work, school and extra-curricular activities for my son, I don’t really go anywhere. So, I’m left with no prospects…

I’ve been told I should try online dating, but after a bad experience with it years ago, I am very leery of it. I’ve asked friends who might know good, Godly men to set me up, but so far it’s not worked out. My son even says I need a man and he needs a Godly influence, to which I respond…”I know baby…”. So, I am waiting on God to basically drop the man in my lap. I know for some that might seem like it’s not going to work, but I’ve been talking to God and I feel that if He wants me to find a man for me and my son, He will make it happen.

So, I am waiting on God and to be honest, I think that’s the best place to be…He won’t steer me wrong and I know He will provide exactly what my son and I need.

To read more about dating, click on the picture below…
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18 Comments

Posted by on February 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

18 responses to “Dating…

  1. Michael

    February 3, 2011 at 10:56 am

    He will provide.

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 3, 2011 at 10:58 am

      Thanks Michael. I am positive he will ๐Ÿ™‚

       
  2. floyd

    February 3, 2011 at 11:00 am

    I’m no expert and I too have been married more than once. I seems to me that you are honoring God by waiting patiently for Him. I don’t know too many people in this world who have the strength or discipline to do what you have. Hopefully without sounding condescending or like an old geezer, I want to say I’m proud of you. I’ve seen first hand Christians who refuse to wait on God for a clear direction in their lives regarding a mate, and go out and make the decisions for themselves. When things go south which is inevitable, they can’t understand why God won’t bail them out. I’m praying for you and your son, for not only the right man, but also the patience and perseverance in waiting for God’s perfect timing.

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 3, 2011 at 11:06 am

      Thank you Floyd! I know there’s a man out there; I don’t feel I was called to singleness, especially with a young man to raise, but I know that God is waiting for the right time. It’s not always easy…sometimes it’s downright depressing, but I am waiting because THIS time I want the right one!

       
  3. Melissa

    February 3, 2011 at 11:28 am

    I think that’s the best place to be too. ๐Ÿ™‚ Love your perspective on this, April. Thanks for sharing!

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 3, 2011 at 11:29 am

      Thanks Melissa! ๐Ÿ™‚

       
  4. JennyRain

    February 3, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚ I had mixed experiences w/online dating… finally actually meeting my husband there… but I realized first I had to work on myself, focus on God, and focus on getting whole – you are doing that and I really commend you for it… it is the harder road, but the one that is so much “more better” in the long run ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for sharing your story!

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm

      Thanks Jenny and I’m glad it worked out for you. ๐Ÿ™‚

       
  5. Sheryl

    February 3, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    I love your transparency. Waiting is hard–that’s for sure. Know you’re not alone . . . for whatever that’s worth.

     
  6. Tony Alicea

    February 4, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Oh the wait. Seems like forever sometimes, doesn’t it? I know God will provide, it’s the whole timing thing that throws me off! I’m standing with you in solidarity April! ๐Ÿ™‚

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 4, 2011 at 12:11 pm

      Right there with you Tony! The waiting is the hardest. Waiting on God with you friend.

       
  7. Mom

    February 4, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    While you have been waiting, God has used you in very powerful ways with young women in our community. Waiting is not something any of us do well but it is such a comfort to know that there are others waiting with you. The biggest changes I have been blessed to witness in your life have come out of your – waiting. It takes great strength to be where you are right now: in the process of sanctification. You have ridden the waves of your life like a champion surfer, baby girl, and you haven’t gone under yet. Hang on! There are “great and mighty things” ahead!

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 7, 2011 at 8:31 am

      I love you, Mom! You have been a huge source of encouragement and strength in all this and I cannot thank you enough!

       
  8. Faith Barista Bonnie

    February 7, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Hi April, As you’ve read in my case, I did not go looking either — for different reasons. And you are spot on. God will bring that person to cross paths with you, if that is His plan. So, I do believe you — and cheer you — in your faith and contentment.

    I also know that God may bring us into different seasons, too. I have a friend who is 52 and she just got engaged after being content & single since she was divorced as a young twenty-something. She decided to go online, prompted by God last year and that’s where she’s at now.

    There is no formula and there are no rights or wrongs. Last but not least, no one can judge or minimize us to our married or single state.

    I have a special affection for you, because you are a mom and a sister in Christ. I hope you pursue what gives you contentment now & your son will be blessed for that. And not necessarily a man! God can provide everything for you & your son. When God sent help for the widow in the Old Testament, He gave her an unending scoop of flour — not a man! God will provide no matter what!

    Thanks for keeping the light on for me, April! So glad your unique voice was in the jam!

     
    • apesydaisy

      February 8, 2011 at 7:41 am

      Bonnie, thank you for posting such thought provoking questions and ideas.

      I know that I will find that person when it’s time and though I get lonely and impatient sometimes, I am not worried about it. I know it will be an awesome man!

      As for internet dating…I don’t condemn people who do it; I’m sure it can be a very good tool for some. I just had a really bad experience and so I’m leery of it again.

      And as for what we are doing now…well, due to some issues as of late…it’s time to focus on my son a little more than I already do. He needs me right now, so I am totally ok with the no dating thing, especially in this time. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thanks girl!

       
  9. tamzillas

    February 8, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    “So, I am waiting on God and to be honest, I think thatโ€™s the best place to beโ€ฆHe wonโ€™t steer me wrong and I know He will provide exactly what my son and I need.”

    Perfectly put–good for you!

     

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