Today is a day of longing for me. I desperately long to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I know there are some of you out there who might wonder why in the world I would want to do this…let me lay some background.
When I was growing up, all I wanted to do, besides the usual sing, act, dance that a lot of little girls desire, was to be a wife and a mother. I would push my sister around in her stroller when she was little and pretend to be the mama. When I would play with my dolls, I was the mom. When I was 18, I was engaged and so excited that I would be able to begin living my dream…then it all fell apart. after many years of relationships, breakups, and heartaches, I finally got married. In 2001, I had a beautiful baby boy and then in 2002, before my son was a year old, my marriage fell apart. My dreams of being that full-time wife and mother shattered completely. I was still a mother, but now I had to work full-time as well
I also need to say that I am not a lazy person by any means. I have been working on and off since I was 14 years old, so working is not unknown to me. And I will continue to work some if I ever get the chance to stay at home, I’ll just work from home on websites. But I’m tired…I’m tired of having to work to make ends meet and then not always making ends meet. I am tired of having to juggle time with my son with a full-time job and all other activities that we need to do. My hearts desire is to be at home with my son.
So, I’m waiting…I’m waiting for the chance to be home more and work less; I’m waiting on God to show me where to go next and how to train my son and find ways to make it work in the waiting…I know there is always the chance that I will be working till I can no longer work, but I pray that is not the case.
Besides, like a friend reminded me of in his blog today (thanks, Tony!), “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4″