Today is a day of longing for me. I desperately long to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I know there are some of you out there who might wonder why in the world I would want to do this…let me lay some background.
When I was growing up, all I wanted to do, besides the usual sing, act, dance that a lot of little girls desire, was to be a wife and a mother. I would push my sister around in her stroller when she was little and pretend to be the mama. When I would play with my dolls, I was the mom. When I was 18, I was engaged and so excited that I would be able to begin living my dream…then it all fell apart. after many years of relationships, breakups, and heartaches, I finally got married. In 2001, I had a beautiful baby boy and then in 2002, before my son was a year old, my marriage fell apart. My dreams of being that full-time wife and mother shattered completely. I was still a mother, but now I had to work full-time as well
I also need to say that I am not a lazy person by any means. I have been working on and off since I was 14 years old, so working is not unknown to me. And I will continue to work some if I ever get the chance to stay at home, I’ll just work from home on websites. But I’m tired…I’m tired of having to work to make ends meet and then not always making ends meet. I am tired of having to juggle time with my son with a full-time job and all other activities that we need to do. My hearts desire is to be at home with my son.
So, I’m waiting…I’m waiting for the chance to be home more and work less; I’m waiting on God to show me where to go next and how to train my son and find ways to make it work in the waiting…I know there is always the chance that I will be working till I can no longer work, but I pray that is not the case.
Besides, like a friend reminded me of in his blog today (thanks, Tony!), “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4″
Blessed Beyond Measure 
Pauline
February 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Another working mom friend of mine was just sharing your same feelings for her desire to be a stay at home mom. My heart just goes out to you both. You are a GREAT mom and you have an AWESOME little man. Waiting is always the toughest. …Praying for you today sweet friend 🙂
apesydaisy
February 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Thank you Pauline. I would give just about anything to be able to homeschool my boy and not miss out on so much.
Jason
February 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm
I know exactly how you feel sometimes. 😦
apesydaisy
February 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Jason, watching your walk in MSY has been a source of encouragement for me. Thank you friend.
Bambi
February 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm
April – I know how you feel. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom. Not because I want to home school, but I would love the ability to be more involved in volunteer work and be able to help at the school, etc with my kids and pick them up from school. Although I am married, in this day and age, it usually takes 2 working to keep the household running…especially with how expensive kids are! I will pray for you to have a peace and comfort in your life as it is now, but don’t loose hope of your dreams. They will come, but only in His time.
apesydaisy
February 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I totally hear you Bambi. It’s not always an option to stay at home. Thanks for reading my blog and commenting, I appreciate it girl!
Tony Alicea
February 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I know He’s already working, but I’m praying that God begins to line things up in your life. He’s got great plans for you, April!
apesydaisy
February 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm
It’s around the corner, I can feel it…just waiting on the corner! LOL 🙂 Thanks Tony!
floyd
February 22, 2011 at 5:03 pm
God’s timing is perfect, i know that’s hard to hear, it’s even hard for me to say it. I can’t tell you how many times I outran God and got a painful dose of wisdom for it. The purpose might be for your son who needs to see your ethic in you for his life. Whatever it is I’m praying for your desire and looking forward to the time it matches His will. I’m convinced your life right now is making the bond between you and Stephen stronger for the plans God has for him. Hang in there my sister, it will be worth the wait!
apesydaisy
February 23, 2011 at 7:19 am
Out running God is what landed me in bad relationships and a failed marriage. I do not plan on making that same mistake again. I am waiting. As for work ethics…I will grant you that he is definitely seeing that! 🙂 I hope that i instill in him as good a work ethic as my parents instilled in me. Thanks Floyd!
SavvyLittleWomen
February 22, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Praying that God makes it possible for you to be home like you desire – He will give you the desires of your heart! Love your blog!
apesydaisy
February 23, 2011 at 7:22 am
Thanks! I am so glad you made it over, I have great enjoyed reading your blog as well! 🙂
thefarmerfiles
February 23, 2011 at 7:00 pm
This post touched me. My sister is a divorced mom with a 5 year old. She has these same desires. Be patient and wait upon the Lord. I am visiting you from MOB today.
apesydaisy
February 24, 2011 at 8:09 am
Thanks! I am glad you made it over.