CHOICES

“A wish changes nothing. A decision changes everything.”  Anonymous

This morning my heart is burdened. I am burdened for a friend who is going through a very hard divorce, I am burdened for a loved one who is struggling to make choices, I am burdened for a family member who is struggling with a relationship. Then, while I was looking for my daily quote that I love to post on my Facebook page, I came across the above quote.

We all have pasts. We all make mistakes…some bigger than others. I have made some huge mistakes in my life. Some that not only will I pay for, but my son will pay for as well. I have seen my friends make mistakes, I have seen my family make mistakes, I have even seen my parents (whom I adore and look up to) make some mistakes (even big ones). But all those mistakes and all those choices were our own. Yes, we have things happen to us when are children…good and bad. We have choices made for us, good or bad, that shape our minds and make us think about things differently.

My own childhood was not easy. My parents made mistakes and choices that shaped how I saw things. Shaped the way I reacted to things. When I was a senior, those things that had happened (those hard things that I didn’t understand fully and didn’t like or didn’t agree with) all came to a crashing realization that I was going to have to choose something. I didn’t understand what and I needed help. I finally came to the place that I asked for the help I needed…help to understand what had happened and why. Why I reacted the way I did at that point because of those things and what I needed to do to not only change my reactions but my outlook. Now, please, don’t get me wrong…in comparison to some children out there, I had a good childhood and didn’t want for much…but like all families, we had problems and we had to work through them.

I came to the place in my life where I realized that I had to choose. No one was making choices for me anymore. I was an adult. And now I have a child. I had to choose to let go of things in my past…to let go of hurts and pain…to let go of fear and anger…to let go of bitterness and rage. I had to choose…yes it is a choice no matter what you may think or say…I had to CHOOSE to let go. When I did that, I became “free”. Free to see who I was…free to see who God wanted me to be. Free to be me…as the song goes. I was free.

I still find there are days that the past rears it’s ugly, disgusting head and I have to deal with it all over again. I have to choose all over again to let go and move on. It’s not easy. The old tapes play in my head and make me think I am beaten. they make me believe I am worthless and useless and no good to anyone. The tapes lie guys! They LIE!!!!! Did you catch that? And isn’t it funny that we believe and live in the lies more than we believe and live in the truth??? Wow, what a thought. We easily, so very easily, fall for the lies, when the truth is so much better and right there in front of us just waiting for us to grab it!!!

Let me also say this…I know some of you may not believe in God the way that I do. You may think all of this post is full of crap…or at least some of it. That’s ok; I am not here to debate whether God is exits to you. I am not here to debate whether or not you believe in Him and why. I do, however, really feel I need to say this…

I believe because I know…based on what’s happened in my life…based on what He has given me…based on that tug in my spirit and in my gut that He placed there. If you choose to think I am weird, insane, using it as a crutch…so be it. I cannot change how you see me. I cannot change how you see my faith. However, I can say that I believe…that I know, that I know, that I know that God is real, that He is alive, that He cares about me and my life…my measly little life…that He is in my heart and that I am going to heaven one day because He is my Savior. And why not believe…honestly, if you think about it…what do you have to lose and you have absolutely everything to gain.

But enough of my soap box on that point. I said all of this to say that life is about choices. We have to choose to let go of the past. We have to choose to be happy…yes, we have to choose to be happy.

So make a choice that you can live with! And make it each day and sometimes each second of each day until the day that you die. That is all we can do.

I love you all!

 

Changes in 2010

Wow…it’s already the middle of March, 2010! I cannot believe this year is flying by so very fast. The school year is almost over and Stephen is heading toward 9 years old and fourth grade.
Let’s see…what’s happened this year so far. Well, in January I got a new job! I am loving it as well. I started working at the Beaumont Enterprise as the assistant to the editor. He is very laid back and let’s me do my work without hanging over my shoulder. The office is different and interesting. I love being able to breathe finally instead of feeling constant pressure and craziness all around me. I am more relaxed and have less tension headaches than I have had in the last three years! It’s really a nice change of pace.
I am mid-way through school. I will graduate at the end of next year and am looking forward to it. I start my web design classes on the 23rd. I’m looking forward to getting into the nitty gritty of what I will be doing.
Oh, I am in a play finally!!!! I am doing Brigadoon which will run April 30 – May 15 at Beaumont Community Players. I don’t know what part I have yet, but I should hopefully know by Monday or Tuesday next week. We have call backs/read-throughs on Monday so the director can determine the final parts for each actor. I am very excited to be back in the theater.
Stephen is doing tap this year as well as Taekwondo. It’s really precious to watch him doing both. His recital is at the end of May for tap and he’s already working hard toward his yellow belt in Taekwondo. He is also very excited that he may be able to be one fo the people in the town scenes of Brigadoon. He’s my little actor in training! 🙂

Well, I think that’s a quick update of the year. I will blog more as soon as I can, but for now, it’s time to get some work done around the house!

…Oh, and something to ponder…

“Success is a state of mind.
If you want success, start thinking
of yourself as a success.”
– Dr. Joyce Brothers